Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
