I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
