i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
