Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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