he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
