i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
