now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
