capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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