I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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