dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
