remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's like heaven, but drunker
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
