I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
