you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
