Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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