Me too!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
