I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
