I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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