Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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