My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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