Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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