she woke up with a sticky ear
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize