From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
