my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
