I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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