It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
