i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
