I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
