I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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