Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
