just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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