You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
