The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
