I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
