I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
