She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
