The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
