So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
