Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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