a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just invented taco cereal.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
