Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
