two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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