Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
being pregnant is like rehab
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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