I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
