Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
