wrigley field is MILF paradise
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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