P.S. I can't hear my feet
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
