dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
