He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
be right there i have to get my cape
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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