I'm drive I can fine osifer
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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