dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
