How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
