dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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