everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
