Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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